"Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."- Dinah Shore

First, I wish to apologize for my absence as of late. Things have been rather topsy-turvy and I will be honest, I have found myself wondering whether I have been coming or going. To explain; a few weeks ago I received the sad news that my ex-hubby was diagnosed with cancer. With that news came the reality that we had to share that with our 14 year old son. Damn, if that fine young man didn't handle the news better than his mother. He was positive, optimistic, and rather hopeful while I (out of his view) fell to pieces.

Now, for those of you who know me really well, you also know that I usually try to put a positive spin on everything. Not as a form of denial, but because I truly do believe that out of every difficult situation comes some good, some form of learning that makes us better people. (A little secret: I also have a bad habit of not wanting to burden anyone with my troubles, and what's worse, I somehow got it my head that I have to present a "I've got it all together" front even if inside I'm knotted and not feeling at my best). What I didn't realize is that by holding things in, by "acting" as if I have it all together, and by not asking for support I have been...

- Making others feel inadequate
- Not allowing anyone to step up and support me, and share their gifts
- Inadvertently being deceptive (not consciously, really)
- Stifling my own growth
- Not letting go of the feelings

Old habits die hard, let me tell you. Regardless, I have made a new promise to myself, to feel it real. It's OK to let others know that I'm in pain and need a bit of support. I have tried it and people have been wonderful. The support has been amazing and as a matter of fact, others have shared their feelings as well. I've even had a few folks thank me for being so honest and allowing them to render support. So far no one has said, "Hey, Pam...get your shit together, will ya?" OR "Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?"

So dear ones, if you take away anything from this post, I hope it's the message to feel it real and let others step up to support and share their gifts too! Love to all of you and I will look forward to connecting with you again soon.