I'm not one to sit in my own crap for too long and feel sorry for myself. It's true, but that hasn't always been the case. Nope...not by a long shot.

I'll be honest, I used to sit in it for days and days until I stunk to high heaven and all the while playing the "woe is me" song. Not only did I sit deeply in it, but I slung it at others, which was not cool (in hindsight). As a matter of fact, if you were to look up the words "victim" or "martyr" you might just have found my picture. Sounds pretty doesn't it?

Today I thank my lucky stars that I have moved past that time and outgrown that person. How do I know? Well, my dear, wonderful readers, I have hit a bit of a funk lately. To put it into perspective, the kind of funk where you don't know whether you wish to scream loudly at everyone and everything or just sit down and ball your head off for days. 

I'm glad to report, I have done neither of those things. YIPPPEEEEE!! That's how I know I have passed the multiple day crap sit-in, victim mentality, "please feel really sorry for me because I can't do anything right" stage.

Instead, I'm getting down with my funky little self and before I tell you how or why, I WANT to say it's OK to sit in your own crap (more than OK) provided that you're the only one sitting in it. Sometimes it's just what we need in order to gain perspective, to feel, and to grow.

Friends, I  am embracing this beautiful, delicious funkiness. Yep, that's right. I am doing all I can (listening to cool tunes, talking with friends, writing, feeling it all, pushing myself at the gym, reminding myself that the “present is perfect” ) to remain motivated and determined because I will be damned if I am going to allow the funk to knock me on my ass. I have things to do, (things that are bigger than me) so frankly, I don't have time, nor do I have the desire to feel sorry for myself (like I once used to).

What’s really cool, I have come to realize that if I can stay standing firm during the funk, what’s on the flipside is always bigger and better. Yep, that means growth and in a major way.

Before I close, please know there is no right or wrong way to dealing with the funk. Everyone has their own way and that’s a beautiful thing, truly. So dear friends, with that said, how do you deal with the funk? Do you get down with your funky, funk self? Do you retreat and get quiet? I’d love to hear your strategy and if you don’t have one that’s cool too, because I’m happy to support you in finding one (if you'd like, of course).

OK, it’s time for me to go back to embracing the funk. I’ll see you all on the flipside. Love to you all in the meantime.

Hello, dear friends and readers, it has been awhile, but not because I have forgotten to write just because I've been taking some time for reflection and rest. Over the course of the past few weeks I have been reminded/learned the following:

1) When the body is screaming "STOP", it's important to do so. It's often during times of rest when other opportunities present themselves.
2) Never gripe about an opportunity that didn't turn out as expected. An opportunity is still an opportunity and you never know what might come of it in the near future.
3) Gratitude holds so much power; the power to lighten a mood and to create more of the same.
4) Sometimes all one needs to do is just be, nothing more and nothing less.
5) It's true what they say, "Be careful for what you wish for, because you just might get it."

Have a fantastic week everyone!! I am going to go back to a little more reflecting.

I love learning and I equally love to be reminded of lessons learned. This week a client brought forward a wonderful reminder; to aspire to live a life full of joy. (THANK YOU!) 

Often times we struggle in claiming our passion and purpose rather than paying attention to those small and not so small details that bring us joy. If we are doing things that bring us joy, we are living a life full of passion and purpose.  So my note to myself for this week is to remember to fill each day with joy. If I am living a joyful life, guess what? I am helping add joy to those around me and the world at large. How cool is that!?

Have you ever had the feeling that you were moving in slow motion? That you were dazed, but not confused? Well, that is the state I am in this weekend...the lackadaisical, I could curl up and sleep all weekend state. It feels kind of weird, but I am going with it.

Believe me when I tell you going it with it is hard for me, because I am the type that always has to be doing something. This time I am listening to my body and enjoying the slow pace. No time restrictions, no to-do lists, just rest and recharge.

Hey sometimes you just have to go with the flow, kick back and recharge in order to give your all and be your very best. So when was the last time you took some time to recharge your battery?

(Image courtesy of Krittercards.com)

Here is some food for thought...

The Universe is great at testing our growth before another growth spurt takes place. Why?

Two simple reasons; 1)to ensure that we are ready for the next growth spurt and 2)to make darned sure that we have mastered all that we needed to during that last growth spurt.

Ahhh, the joys of growing pains.

…of? Nah, don’t think so. OK, so I am struggling to capture a title for this blog post, just like I have struggled the last two weeks over what to write. (Hence my absence.)

On a positive note, the past two weeks have been rather busy and very humbling in many respects. I just finished teaching my first round of some Core Essentials Program courses at Coach U and have to say….I HAD A BLAST!! The students were awesome and the evaluations were tear-jerking. (That is what I meant when I said “humbling”.) Never did I anticipate the response received, (to be honest) and I am so grateful to all the students. It was their contributions and their energy that made the classes so amazing. So why am I humbled?

Well, because I still find it easier to give a compliment than to receive one. It’s not that I don’t like receiving compliments, I do. It’s just not always easy for me, and I admit that. My initial response (in my head) is “I’m just a woman who is doing what she loves. I am no different to anyone else. I put my pants on one leg at a time like everyone else” (Besides, I’ve tried to put my pants on both legs at a time and I fell over -- not advised.)

What I came to realize this week, as I was writing “thank you” emails in response, a compliment is a gift. To receive it with anything less than gratitude and appreciation is tantamount to smacking the gift giver upside the head and throwing their gift back at them.

Just recently I was tagged by my good blogging buddy Phil Gerbyshak to participate in a meme with a twist. Here are the rules;

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick your month of birth.
3. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you and if you would like write some wit or not.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

Since I was born in December (just like my friend Phil) here are my attributes from the summary below with some of my thoughts:

Loyal and generous: Absolutely! I am a “through thick and thin” type for sure and a firm believer in giving.
Sexy: Does being told your sexy count?
Patriotic: I love my country and I love where I live. May not like our politics all the time, but I do love my country.
Active in games and interactions: I like a good game of Scrabble now and then. Plus, I really like the game Skip-Bo. When I was younger I was big into tennis and played a season of soccer.
Impatient and hasty: Hell yes! I am the Queen of Impatience; I want everything yesterday. However, I am working on this, I promise.
Ambitious: You bet your bippy I am, but not at others’ expense. I support my clients in getting what they want and in order to do that I have to walk the walk, right?
Influential in organizations: Not sure about this one. I love to get involved and be supportive.
Fun to be with. Loves to socialize: I’d like to think I am fun to be with, but you’ll have to ask my friends. I do love to socialize because I love people. However, I do like my quiet, recharge times too.
Loves praises. Loves attention: OK, I admit it, I love praise and attention. I like being told “job well done”. With that said, I am always open to constructive criticism too.
Loves to be loved: Uh-huh, you bet! I love giving love and being loved. I have a heart and I am not afraid to use it!
Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending: I am a “what you see is what you get” kinda gal for sure. You can count on me to honest and you never have to worry about falsehoods.
Short tempered: I used to be, many moons ago. Being quick to get angry is counter-productive and makes it difficult to get to the heart of an issue.
Take high pride in oneself: Yes indeedy. I made a commitment to myself to be the best I can be, and that includes taking care of myself.
Loves to joke. Good sense of humor: I do. Having a good sense of humor and not taking life so seriously is important.
Logical:  I would like to think that I have my logical moments.

Ready for those summaries so you can play along too?

OK, so here are the summaries for each month:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas.Difficult to fathom.Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

OK, now who to tag? How about:

Lynne
Jon
Kammie
Tina Su
Steve
Gleb
Tony
Lyman
Matt
Desiree
Matthew
YOU

It is so sad when it takes the loss of another to shock you back into reality and to make your realize what’s most important. Yesterday morning a young man was killed in a traffic accident outside of the gym where I work out. This morning my dearest friend Sher and I were talking about how short life truly is when Sher made the following comment, “That young man could have been having a great day or the very worst day, but now it does not matter.” (May that young man rest in peace and may love be with his family during their time of grief. Bless them all!)

What a reminder that each day is a gift. It does not matter whether the coffee got spilled on the keyboard, or the dog decided to use the living room rug as the backyard, or someone cut you off in traffic. What matters is that we have today. We are living and breathing. We are feeling. We are laughing. We are loving.

My friends, life is too damned short to sweat the small stuff. Make the most of every second, every moment of every day. Resolve old feelings of hurt. Forgive. Call a friend you have not spoken with in awhile. Hug your child. Hug your spouse. Heck, hug yourself. Love a lot or a little. Just be in this moment and enjoy all that you have.

Much love and blessings to all of you!!

1) Spontaneity is awesome – even when you’re sat in your comfy PJs on the sofa watching movies. When spontaneity rings, be sure to answer. You might be surprised at what lies in store. (Many thanks to my girlfriends for getting me out and about last night. What fun!)

2) Love relationships sometimes end, but solid friendships last a lifetime.

3) It’s none of my business what people think of me; which means if I put all of me (authentically) out there and someone does not like it, that’s OK. Besides, as a very wise 16-year old reminded me, you have more to gain than you do to lose.

4) “Out of the mouths of babes”; never a truer word spoken. Twice this week I have been reminded that our youth have some amazing insights to share so be sure to listen when a young person speaks.

5) Life is a wonderful, exciting game of experiences, opportunities, and surprises. It is meant to be played and not watched from an ass-splinter-giving wooden bench on the sidelines. Remember, you don’t win, if you don’t play.

What makes you go “hmmmmmm”?

This week’s link love goes to some awesome blogs. Be sure to check them out and keep watching this space for others to follow…

You Already Know This Stuff
Idea Sandbox
Successful Blog

Sometimes life chucks dodge balls; the little challenges that we can either learn from or continue to be pelted by. The question is, when a dodge ball is coming straight for your head do you catch it, dodge it, or get beamed by it?

Last night I was out to dinner with a group of friends. As the clock struck 9pm and the band began to play the restaurant/bar atmosphere shifted. It went from adults having dinner and nice conversations to an atmosphere of desperation and show. Not only could you feel it, but you could hear it, and see it.

Heads and hair being tossed back followed by fake laughter.

Conversation amongst women about other women in the bar (Let the competition begin).

Skirts hiked up to not only expose leg, but to expose what was between legs.

Cleavage and chest hair as far as the eye could see.

OK, I realize that being in your 40s (even 30s and up) and single can be a challenge. I also understand that is difficult to meet others, I truly do. What I don’t get is why the need to put on a show just to make a connection with the opposite sex?!

What happens when the clothes go back on and you’re standing in the cold light of day? Do people honestly believe that a good show equates to quality companionship?

Oh, duh...I just had a light bulb moment; maybe quality is not what people are after. Maybe people are just looking for free drinks, a few fake laughs, or a one night stand. In that case to each their own; that’s cool.

Thanks for the eye-opener and the lesson. I think I will steer clear of the bar scenes and remember to always keep it real; even if real means staying single.

A few months ago I posted a list of my own valuable lessons learned. This morning in my run-down state (not feeling all that great today) a few other lessons came bubbling to the surface which I would like to share.

1)     Life is for the living so make each day count.

2)     People can and do make a difference.

3)     We all have choices; we can choose to be a fighter or a victim.

4)     I heard this one yesterday on the John Edward’s show, “Always blessings, never losses”.

5)     Kindness is contagious so don’t be afraid to pass it on.

What lessons have you learned that are most valuable to you? Please feel free to share them here. (Now, back to bed I go.)

Matthew over at Empathy was kind enough to include me in some meme fun, inviting me to share eight facts about me. Thank you, Matthew!

What eight facts should I share? Let me see…

1. Dishonest people and dishonesty as whole makes me sad as hell.
2. I am highly intuitive.
3. At 40, I am a big kid at heart, which means I love doing things like go-karting and playing laser tag.
4. When I was in high school I sang in a garage band.
5. I once met Danny Elfman of Oingo Boingo.
6. Last year I was stung by a bark scorpion and man, did it hurt like nobody’s business.
7. My weaknesses are pizza, buffalo chicken wings, and jewelry – not necessarily all together, mind you.
8. I love the fact that people (including strangers) feel safe sharing personal things with me.

OK, rather than tag particular people, I am tagging anyone who reads this and cares to have some fun sharing a bit about themselves.

On September 26^th I had to say good bye to a cherished and loved friend of 16 years, my little Lhasa Bridgette. Bridgette was a sweet little dog who brought so much joy to my life. We shared quite a history, she and I; she saw me through my grieving period after I miscarried my first pregnancy, loved me unconditionally during my busy times as an AIDS educator (even when I was not able to play with her as much), was there when I gave birth to my son, stuck by me through my divorce, tirelessly sat at my feet as I developed my businesses…she was a tried and true friend until her very last days.

I am going to miss hearing her little feet scampering down the hallway. I am going to miss the way she begged for table scraps, and I am going to miss her daily presence.

Thank you, B for being such a wonderful addition to our family, a loving and loyal friend. You will always hold a special place in my heart – I love you, Bridgy Boo.

Not too long ago I was having kind of a tough time so I turned to a friend for a bit of support. Rather than render support, my friend (bless her) proceeded to “jump my case” for what she felt was dismissive behavior.  She let me know that my trying to see the bright side was not cool and was just a way of avoiding how I felt. She also let me know that I am being real when I am sitting in my own poop.

Not real? Avoidance? Whoa Nelly! That did not sit well with me and I honestly felt like I was being scolded.  

You see, I used to bitch and moan A LOT! If something went wrong every body and their dog knew about it. I would feel sorry for myself for days on end – slinging poop at everyone and everything.  What did that get me? NADA! ZIP! ZELCH! NOTHING! Well, no wait, that’s not entirely true; it got me deeper in my own poop and the stink spread to others. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Today, when I am faced with an adverse situation I choose (yep, because I have a choice) to feel the feelings and then try to find the positive take away. Not because I am trying to dismiss the issue at hand, nor stuff it in the corner with the dust bunnies. I’m not.  I’ve just found that I deal better that way -- I actually learn and move through the issue much faster.

The truth is, everyone has their own way of dealing with adversity and it’s important to respect a person’s process for processing. It also OK to sit in your own poop sandbox, but it’s not OK to sling poop at others for slinging sake. Remember, we are all unique individuals and that is a good thing. Which means we all deal with things differently – there is no cookie cutter way. If your process is working for you, if it helps you to move through a negative situation, then embrace it and use the hell out of it. I know I will.

“Fake it “til you make it”, that’s a phrase I have read and heard many times. I have even heard other coaches say that they tell their clients to “just fake it until you make it”.

I understand that it is being used to encourage one to think positively. I do get that it’s sometimes used to support one in believing that they can be and do anything they want in order to have what they want. However, I have to say that I still struggle with the idea of faking it until I make it. 

What does “fake it ‘til you make it” really mean?

Does it mean acting like someone I am not, (but wish I was) until I become that someone?

Does it mean that if I want to be a billionaire that I should start acting and living as if I had a billion dollars?

If I am faking it, what happens to the real me? How does faking it support me in being my authentic self?

What about being grateful for who I am and what I currently have? What about getting clear about the things I want in my life – things that are in alignment with who I am, setting realistic goals, and committing to take action? Won’t that support me in continuing to grow as a person? Won’t that enable me to achieve the things I want in my life? Won’t that achieve the same outcome as faking it until I make it?

Hmmmm…enquiring minds would love to know. Any thoughts?

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

For a good majority of my life I was a follower, especially in high school. I dressed like my friends, I did the same things they did, and I certainly never ventured out from the crowd. Basically my entire identity was not my own; it was something I adopted off of someone else in order to fit in.

In reading that quote I realize that the days of following others to fit in are LONG GONE. The one thing that is so clear to me now is how important it is to explore, to take chances, and to put myself out there.

Of course, I still get a little scared now and again. But instead of falling in line I ask myself the following question, “Do you have more to gain from doing this or more to lose?” Nine times out of 10 I find that I have more to gain. In going where there is no path I learn, I grow, and open myself up to amazing potentials. Besides, it’s much more fun to lead the line then be stuck at the end. The view is better any way.

OK, so I am not really fishing, but I am doing something exciting! Shhhhhh! Tune in next week to find out more. In the meantime, have a great week.

1. An open heart leads to an open mind.
2. There is always a golden nugget to be found in a pile of poop. You just have to be willing to dig for it.
3. Gossiping says more about the person gossiping than it does about the person being gossiped about.
4. Leap and the net will appear.
5. Listening between the lines is crucial. 
6. You have more to gain by taking a chance than you do to lose.
7. Judging a book by its cover may cost you the best read of your life.
8. Fear is allergic to the present moment.
9. Love is a powerful tool to have in your toolbox. It fixes hurt feelings and wards off fear.
10. If you don't have "it", you can't give "it".
11. It's none of my business what others think of me. It is my business what I think of me.
12. Vulnerability is NOT a sign of weakness, but rather a great testament to strength.
13. To stop learning is to stop growing.
14. A world without music is a world without color.
15. Looking for the good rather than the bad or the ugly leaves you open to seeing more good.

I cannot wait to add more to the list as I continue to learn! What great lessons have you learned?

When you have some time check out this interesting article, "No Jerks Allowed" published in Time Magazine.

Yes, we can learn from "jerks". We can learn how we truly do not wish to be.

I guess there is something to be said for having "jerks" around... we are more apt to appreciate the nice folks.

Whatcha think?