Walking My Own Walk

Monday, June 15, 2009

A good relationship is like a great conversation

My clients are amazing and I can't begin to tell you how much I value their insight and their willingness to be open. The other day I had the most fantastic conversation with a client during which time she shared a quote that went something like this, "A good marriage is like a conversation that you never wish to cut short" which she attributed to Bill Cosby. Wanna talk about an "aha" moment, wowsa...that one was a doozie.

As I was driving home from our meeting I got to thinking how right the quote was and not just in regards to marriage, but in most substantial relationships, intimate or otherwise. I then began to mentally draft my list of what constitutes a good conversation which went something like this...

A good conversation:

stimulates
makes you think
encourages growth
challenges
supports you in becoming a better person
flows
excites
has calming and comfortable silences
is an equal exchange of thoughts, feelings, and ideas
is without judgment
is open and honest

Looking back over this list, that is exactly what I wish to give and have in my relationships. I wish to continue to develop, explore, and create relationships that are like that awesome conversation that I never wish to cut short. So, dear friends, what constitutes a good conversation/relationship for you? Can't wait to find out!!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Making The Most of Every Moment

The last few weeks have been a wild ride for sure, but my family has come out on the other side stronger and quite thankful. As I mentioned a few weeks back my ex-hubby was diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, three weeks after an extensive 10 hour surgery is he on the road to recovery and cancer free. To say that I'm relieved would be an understatement, certainly. I'm downright grateful; grateful that he is OK and grateful for the learning opportunities that presented themselves.

I learned and re-learned a great deal over the past few weeks that's for sure. I learned/re-learned...

-That it's OK to share when you are scared or in pain. Doing so actually makes you a stronger person. (My heartfelt thanks to some special friends, colleagues, and my students for being so supportive.)
-There is a great deal of power in feeling your feelings through.
- Wisdom doesn't always come with age. My son, at the age of 14 holds a great deal of wisdom. Despite the uncertainty he maintained a positive attitude and was more than willing to share words of encouragement and wisdom.
- The heart has an amazing capacity to love if you remain open.
- Life is meant to be lived full-out; it's full of opportunities, positive risks and challenges which are just waiting to be embraced.
- To make each and every moment count and never let an opportunity pass by to express how much others mean to you.
- Gratitude is one of the most powerful forms of expression. I'm even more grateful for every second of every day than I was before.

Onward and upward, as they say. Now it's time for some fun, some recharging and some positive risk taking. Please stay tuned for some exciting announcements and new opportunities to be shared. In the meantime, please be well and remember every second we have here is a true gift.

Monday, May 11, 2009

More Notes to Self: A Relationship A-ha Moment

Just recently I had the most amazing "a-ha" moment; wonderful relationships that are meant to be grow organically. They are not relationships that you have to try and force to make happen, they just do and with ease. That's not to say that once they happen they don't require care and nurturing; all meaningful relationships require special care in order to grow, BUT the care and nurturing of the relationship should not feel like work. The care and nurturing should be something that is enjoyed and something that feeds both people, as well as the relationship. This "a-ha" is pivotal for me, as it will serve as a wonderful awareness builder by which to take stock; are there any relationships in my life that feel forced? Are there any that are zapping energy rather than feeding energy? Are there any that I have just plain outgrown?

Honest inventory and letting go time. Won't you join me in taking stock of the relationships in your life? Remember, my dear friends, in order to create room for things that nurture you as a person and support you in being your best, you have to clear some space and that includes in the relationship department. By letting go of the relationships that feel forced or zap our energy, we can then create the space for the relationships that grow and flourish with ease. Happy Relationship Growing!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Feeling It Real

"Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."- Dinah Shore

First, I wish to apologize for my absence as of late. Things have been rather topsy-turvy and I will be honest, I have found myself wondering whether I have been coming or going. To explain; a few weeks ago I received the sad news that my ex-hubby was diagnosed with cancer. With that news came the reality that we had to share that with our 14 year old son. Damn, if that fine young man didn't handle the news better than his mother. He was positive, optimistic, and rather hopeful while I (out of his view) fell to pieces.

Now, for those of you who know me really well, you also know that I usually try to put a positive spin on everything. Not as a form of denial, but because I truly do believe that out of every difficult situation comes some good, some form of learning that makes us better people. (A little secret: I also have a bad habit of not wanting to burden anyone with my troubles, and what's worse, I somehow got it my head that I have to present a "I've got it all together" front even if inside I'm knotted and not feeling at my best). What I didn't realize is that by holding things in, by "acting" as if I have it all together, and by not asking for support I have been...

- Making others feel inadequate
- Not allowing anyone to step up and support me, and share their gifts
- Inadvertently being deceptive (not consciously, really)
- Stifling my own growth
- Not letting go of the feelings

Old habits die hard, let me tell you. Regardless, I have made a new promise to myself, to feel it real. It's OK to let others know that I'm in pain and need a bit of support. I have tried it and people have been wonderful. The support has been amazing and as a matter of fact, others have shared their feelings as well. I've even had a few folks thank me for being so honest and allowing them to render support. So far no one has said, "Hey, Pam...get your shit together, will ya?" OR "Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself?"

So dear ones, if you take away anything from this post, I hope it's the message to feel it real and let others step up to support and share their gifts too! Love to all of you and I will look forward to connecting with you again soon.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Never Forget Your Worth

A dear, wonderful person who I love and respect a lot sent the following to me. Frankly, it couldn't have come at a better time. We all need a reminder (from time-to-time) that we are worth a hell of a lot. I pass this along to all of you (men and women alike) so that you will hopefully be reminded that your worth is priceless!

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Help! I've Fallen...

...off the face of the earth! No, I haven't really. I've just been taking some much needed "me" time to reflect, tweek, unearth, gain clarity, not to mention have a little fun. Besides, I made a commitment when I started this blog that I wasn't going to post just for the sake of posting. I was only going to post when I had something that was worthy of sharing. (No sense boring anyone with mind-numbing dribble, right? You all are busy and I respect and appreciate your time.)

During the past few weeks the following has bubbled to the surface:

I need to not forget to connect with the child-side of me. I am at my very best when I am able to recharge and have fun.
Speaking of recharging, not eating well or getting enough sleep stifles my creativity and does not support my best coaching
Stifled feelings only hinder my ability to fully be the best me I can be. Saying them outloud (to myself), writing about them, talking to a friend or family member have been great strategies for letting some feelings out into the light of day.
Being in my head (or in the land of ego) and over analyzing stops me from being in the flow. When I am not in the flow it is hard for me to fully come from my heart, where the important ideas, feelings, thoughts live.
I really like public speaking so I think I need to do more of that. Public speaking is not only fun, but it feeds my spirit.
I have dreams and aspirations, but if I'm not setting those dreams and aspirations into motion some way some how, all they are, are dreams and aspirations that never get to grow and become something cool.

So there you have it, my dear friends. As you can see I really didn't fall off the face of the earth, I just went inward for a bit! Have a wonderful rest of your week and I will look forward to connecting soon.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Beauty Radiates from the Inside Out

I'm a firm believer that beauty does radiate from the inside out. Over the past 42 years I have met some really beautiful people, beautiful not because they had the perfect body and flawless face, but beautiful because they had the most amazing hearts possible. They were kind, loving, giving, respectful and supportive of others, full of integrity...oh, the list which makes up my own definition of inner beauty could go on.

Sadly, this week I seemed to forget about the importance of inner beauty. I will admit that I stood in a place of terrible judgment. I was extremely critical of a person that does have a giving heart and a passion for sharing love and kindness with others. So by my own definition of inner beauty that person is a beautiful person. Instead of remembering that, I took one look at her image and then began the following dialog:

"Oh my goodness! You are line backer material and those bags under your eyes, well, they're sad! There is not another person on this planet who will find you attractive now."

With those hurtful words, the light quickly faded from her hazel eyes. The happy look on her face was replaced with a look of hurt and sadness. What's worse, her inner beauty was stifled and quickly hidden in the shadows of the negative thoughts.

I owe that person a huge apology and since I know she is reading this post, I will publicly apologize to her.

Pam, I am terribly sorry for the nasty things I said to you. I wish I could take them back, because not only were they unfair, but they were unkind, and not true. From here on out I am making the promise not to stand in judgment of you, but rather celebrate the beautiful person you are and the wonderful things you bring to the world.

My friends, I hope you too will take this to heart and remember, beauty truly does radiate from the inside out so it's important to not snuff the internal beauty you possess with self-deprecating comments. You are beautiful. We all are!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Leggo My Ego

This weekend I was absolutely shattered so I took some time to recharge and relax. Part of my recharge time was to watch Hay House Films new movie featuring Dr. Wayne Dyer called Ambition to Meaning; Finding Your Life's Purpose. Not only did I walk away feeling inspired and energized, but I came away with a few powerful messages that I can't help but share.

1) Dr. Dyer talked quite a bit about ego and how ego often drives us. While I believe that whole-heartedly, what really hit me was the acronym he used to define ego;

E=Easing
G=God
O=Out

Whether you believe in God, Buddha, a higher power, (fill in the blank), one thing is clear when we become disconnected from our source, the energy that helps us to stay present and grounded, that is when our ego comes out to play. When ego drives us we then get trapped in the notion that the more we have the more successful we are, the more powerful we seem, the more important we appear. It becomes a never ending cycle which in turn can renders us vulnerable to all sorts of fear (fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of success). I was then reminded of something very important, it's not how much you have that defines you, it's who you are at your core (your heart) that does.

2) When we come from a place of "How can I serve?" not only are we detached from the outcome (being attached to the outcome is another symptom of ego), but we come from a place of abundance, giving and receiving. To give you an example, when I focus on how many clients I wish to have and how much money I wish to make, the phone stops ringing. When I shift my focus to my purpose, to why I am coaching (how I can serve others) the phone rings. Coincidence? I think not. That's not to say that I am not clear on how many clients I want in my practice or what I wish to make each month, I am..it's just not my focus. Instead of focusing on lack (basically) I am focusing on what I can and do give which helps me to stay present and open to all the potentials available.

3) One of my favorite lines from the movie was, "Don't die with the music still in you." That line serves as a great reminder to not allow my ego to get in the way and hold me back from taking chances, putting myself out there, and stepping outside my comfort zone. I don't want to look back over my life only to realize that I still have some music left in me to be shared and played.

My friends, if you have not had chance to watch this movie, please give yourself a treat and do. For now, your's truly is going to "leggo my ego".

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sailing Or Docked At Port?

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for. " - Grace Murray Hopper.

As you all know I'm a quote junkie and so in my quest to find more quotes to add to my quote library I stumbled upon this little jewel. What a great reminder! It has actually forced me to take a good look at that the things I want in my life; have I set sail on them or am I still at port anchored firmly? Well, let me see...

1) To have a thriving coaching practice. - Sailing
2) To give back to others and support them in finding their voice - Sailing
3) To teach at the collegiate level - Still at port (Time to chart my course and pull up anchor)
4) To create a loving, healthy, passionate relationship with an amazing man - About to embark and pull away from port (Check in with me over the next few months. )
5) To travel more - Still at port
6) To earn an income that allows me to support my family comfortably and give back to the community - Sailing and continuing to chart the course
7) To redecorate and continue to turn my home into my dream home - Sailing slowly, but have faith that all will continue to fall into place.
8) To dare to live out loud - Definitely Sailing

What's cool.. I'm farther along than I thought. Man, am I grateful for all the amazing opportunities experienced and the adventures just on the horizon!! There is something to be said for reflecting; it truly does show us where we are sailing and where we may need to just pull up anchor and let the wind carry us along.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Sh*t! I Thought I Had Mastered That!

Have you heard the saying, "The Universe only puts in front of you the things that you have yet to master?" Well, that's a saying that smacked me upside the forehead today. There was an issue from my past, it's an issue that I thought I had mastered. I thought I had let it go. I thought had forgiven, but not forgotten. Come to find out I didn't master it, nor let it go, and not only had I not forgotten it, but I guess I hadn't forgiven either.

What kills me is not that I hadn't mastered this issue, it's that I allowed this issue to potentially drive a wedge between myself and someone I love dearly. I allowed my own residual anger to get in the way of being the supportive and loving person that I want to be in this situation. Frankly, not only was I still pissed off at the past situation and the person (come to find out), but I was pissed off at myself for allowing it to get in the way. So I did something that I suggest to my clients when past issues leave some residue; I wrote a letter that will never get sent. In that letter I puked out all the things that I was angry about and then I destroyed it.

In doing so I allowed myself to get as angry as I wanted (without involving anyone else). I allowed myself to say whatever it was I needed to say and without guilt. Now, I am holding myself to moving forward and keeping the awareness created by this morning's situation. As James Arthur Ray once said, "Holding on to past anger and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." I refuse to continue to drink the poison and I refuse to allow it to cloud the good.